Step Three: Build Strong, Positive Relationships With Your Students

The third step to effective classroom management is building strong, positive relationships with the students in your classroom.  I believe this is an area that is often overlooked by many.  However, failure to build strong, positive relationships with the students you teach will serve to make your job much more difficult than it needs to be.

               

  First, let’s discuss some of the benefits of building relationships with your students.  We can begin with the adage, “They don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”  In my experience, this has proven to be true all the time.  I have had the privilege of working with brilliant teachers who unfortunately could not make headway with many students because the students just did not believe that the teacher truly cared about them.  Students are generally far more willing to comply with a directive from an adult they believe cares for them.  Students do not care about titles or degrees; what is important to them is that they know the adult in the front of the class has their best interests at heart and willingly, openly, and consistently displays an interest in their respective lives. 

                

Building strong, positive relationships with students will go a long way toward mitigating potential problems if you do or say something out of line.  Believe it or not, I have actually said things to students, or in front of students, I should not have said.  Of course, many of my colleagues know that I certainly did not have to preface that last statement with believe it or not.  As I have matured and grown wiser (still a long way to go on that journey) these situations have occurred less frequently, but we are all human, are all fallible, and we will all make mistakes even when we know better.  But you know what; students have always been willing to give me a break because of the time I invested in them.  Never once, not once, did my mistakes ever become an issue.  Of course, I was always willing and eager to apologize after the fact, but not one student ever made an issue of my shortcomings and it would have been very easy for them to do so.

                

If you have strong, positive relationships with your students you will begin to find that they are willing to share the burden for classroom management.  In fact, you will begin to see leaders in your classroom offer redirection to students before you are even able to get the words out!  In addition, frequently I have been able to approach a student about a challenge I was facing in the school and I could almost always count on them to assist me in overcoming that challenge.  It is my experience that students are willing to bend over backwards for teachers they care about and believe care about them.

                

So, the benefits of building relationships with students are readily apparent, but how do you go about doing it?  Well, first, we have to recognize there are no shortcuts.  Unfortunately I have seen adults attempt to take shortcuts in this area.  Generally shortcuts look something like the following:

1.       Allowing students to get away with negative behaviors

2.       Sharing information with students that is inappropriate

3.       Gossiping about other staff members or other students

4.       Speaking disparagingly about authority figures: parents; teachers; or administrators

5.       Speaking disparagingly about other students

Exhibiting any of the behaviors listed above is certain to produce long-term negative effects.  You will not build a strong, positive relationship and your students will not respect you.  At that point you will be far worse off than if you had not even tried.  Here is what I recommend:

1.       Greet them all the time by name.  Make a point to learn your students’ names as soon as humanly possible and use them as often as possible in a positive manner.

2.       Notice them.  Did they change their appearance?  Then make a positive comment about the change and tell them how much you like it.  There is a world of difference between “Your outfit looks nice today.” and “I love that color on you!”  Personalize your compliments and watch how it pays off in the long run.

3.       Ask them about themselves.  News flash: people like talking about themselves.  Yeah, I know, hard to believe, right?  Make a point to discover their likes, dislikes, and interests.  Search for commonalities and capitalize upon them.

4.       Listen to them without always judging them.  To be honest, this is difficult for me.  I am extremely opinionated and I often forget that what is important to them at this stage in their life was once important to me at that very same stage.  As an adult it is very easy for us  to attempt to minimize the struggles they are going through, but it means the world to them at this point in their lives, so treat their challenges accordingly.

5.       Spend time with them outside the classroom.  Go to their games, concerts, recitals, baptisms, confirmations, birthdays, etc.  We spend time with the people we care about.  I always shared with students that the most valuable thing to me outside my family was my time, so imagine the response when I show up at their events.

Building strong, positive relationships with the students we serve is of the utmost importance.  As I become better at being a school leader I will begin to formalize this process more and more for my staff.  It is something we have to do on purpose, because with everything else we are charged with doing it is easy to forget about it and let it fall by the wayside.  Moreover, it is very easy to minimize the importance of building relationships with our students because we do not always see the benefits of doing so immediately.  However, if we are committed to becoming the best educators we can be, it is a task that should be at the forefront of our thoughts each and every day we serve children.