The Importance of Emotional Intelligence

Two former students, Ashley Hamilton and Dylan Luna, who certainly possess emotional intelligence.

We need signs.  We need signs on the top of each our heads indicating our current mood.  Wouldn't this make the world a bit easier to navigate?  We would immediately recognize how we should treat each person we come into contact with on a daily basis based upon their current state of being.  How many times have you had someone snap at you or witnessed such an incident, and, at least to you, it was totally unexpected and perhaps even uncalled for based upon the situation?  Most likely we--or they-- failed to properly identify the emotional state of the person exhibiting such behavior.  Unfortunately we do not have glowing LED signs on our heads (at least not yet) indicating our current emotional state, so in the meantime we have to rely upon our emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the ability to perceive emotions, to access and generate emotions so as to assist thought, to understand emotions and emotional knowledge, and to reflectively regulate emotions so as to promote emotional and intellectual growth. (Mayer & Salovey, 1997).   I use the following as a working definition for EQ: The ability to read a person or situation and to respond appropriately.  Emotional Intelligence, or EQ, was popularized by Daniel Goleman (http://danielgoleman.info/) in his book Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ.  Based upon my professional experiences in the field of education over the past 14 years, I agree with Dr. Goleman that EQ is equally important as IQ in today's world.  In fact, a very strong argument could be made that EQ trumps IQ in our present-day world.

Each and every person we know, encounter, and interact with is fighting some type of battle.  It may be major, it may be minor, it may be apparent, or it may be hidden, but we are all struggling with something.  Moreover, many of us do a very good job of hiding or camouflaging our true emotional state for numerous reasons.  Perhaps we do not want to burden others with our problems; maybe we are trying to "fake it until we make it"; or we may not want to project an image of weakness--we want the world to think we have it all under control.Whatever the reason, many of us have become quite adept at maintaining a poker face, so the world is often unaware of what is lurking beneath the surface.  This presents a potential problem as our greatest challenge on a daily basis is to get along with one another.  You may disagree with this assertion, but I would challenge your disagreement  by asking the following question: If our social interaction was not such a potential problem, then why does every culture that ever existed have some variation of the Golden Rule in its book of knowledge/wisdom or in its oral heritage?  Put simply, respectfully interacting with one another certainly appears to be our greatest challenge.

Today, and for every day of the rest of your life, you are going to come into contact with people fighting internal and external battles, so be gentle with others.  Go beyond treating them as you want to be treated, rather make the effort to truly understand them and treat them the way they want to be treated (HT to Jeff Londraville).  Trust me, there is a difference.  So as you go forth this weekend, go easy and be gentle with those you see.  You never know the struggle they may be dealing with and how your words or actions may alleviate or exacerbate their emotional state.  We have in our power the unique ability to brighten or darken another's day, so let's choose wisely.