More On Building Relationships

Be like water.  That is the advice I give teachers all the time.  Water wears down rock over time, but it takes time and it requires consistency.  Be like water; consistently stay on message and don't get discouraged when it comes to students.

 So, this year I took my own advice at my new school.  I literally knew almost none of the students on the first day of school, but I decided to open car doors and greet each and every student upon arrival.  Very quickly I noticed that one particular student went out of his way to ignore me.  In fact, I could not even get him to acknowledge my presence.  No matter, I was like water: greeted him each and every morning by name and wished him a great day.  September, October, and November came and went and still he would not acknowledge me.  However, I think he may have looked at me during December.  It may have been my imagination or it may have been that the Christmas spirit moved him to glance in my direction, but I'm pretty sure he looked at me.

During the month of January I decided to kick it up a notch.  Now, not only would I greet him upon his arrival at school, but I was going to intentionally "run into him" during the school day and attempt to place myself in such a way that he could not ignore me.  This was going to work!  I was right there, in the hallway, he couldn't miss me and . . . nothing.  Be like water, said the voice in my head.

Finally, in February, I got a nod!  No verbal greeting, but actual acknowledgement that I was there, occupying the same planet as him--this was a breakthrough!  Toward the end of the month I actually got him to answer a question.  Yes, it was a one word response to my inquiry, but I was making headway.  Emboldened by the acknowledgement of my existence, I stepped up my game and started talking to this young man as often as possible and sometimes I even received a lengthier reply: "Naw, that wasn't me."  Or something like, "I'm good."  Nonetheless, this was true progress.

Toward the end of March I grew very bold and decided to add a letter to the repertoire of communication techniques I employed. I wrote this young man and conveyed the following:

•  I was worried about him and his lack of academic progress
•  I believed he was capable of much better work than he was currently producing
•  I was afraid that if he didn't pick up the pace I believed he would be retained in the same grade
•  If this did occur, he would have no one to blame but himself, as he is more than capable of meeting promotion requirements
• I believed in him and would be there to offer assistance if needed

This young man became a bit more talkative upon return from Spring Break, but there was no apparent major breakthrough, nor did he acknowledge receiving my letter.  However, yesterday, his homeroom teacher approached me at the end of the day with a HUGE smile on her face.  She proceeded to tell me that he worked in class and volunteered to assist in checking the work of others--this was incredible progress!  I shared this with another administrator in our school and he shared similar sentiments as the homeroom teacher.  Now, I am not near vain enough to take credit for this change in behavior, but can we ever determine which rush of water smoothed the rough edges of the stone?  Moreover, does it really even matter?  Who cares about the credit; the stone has been changed .  Be like water, my friends.