Pain and disappointment

            Over the course of the past 16 years I have been to numerous school events.  I have attended school events in wealthy districts, middle-class districts, and districts mired in poverty and I have observed distinct differences at these events depending upon the socio-economic status of the students attending the school.

This past February I attended a basketball game in Flint, MI at a school that largely serves students of color and students from the lower end of the socio-economic spectrum.  Now, if I knew in advance that this game was going to be the parent night celebration I most likely would have chosen not to attend this particular game.  You see, I knew two things when I arrived and was informed that it was parent night.  First, I knew the game would be delayed—significantly—as school officials waited for parents and guardians to arrive.  Call it what you will, but too often in our urban areas start times are no more than suggestions and are very often disregarded.  Second, I knew I would witness a young person on an emotional continuum ranging between being visibly angry all the way to sobbing uncontrollably. 

Well, I regret to say I was correct on both counts and the two were directly related.  School officials delayed the ceremony for at least twenty minutes as they waited for the parents of student-athletes to arrive.  This actually worked well for many student-athletes as their parents were late arrivals, but, unfortunately, there was one cheerleader left without an escort when the ceremony began.

Finally school officials determined they could wait no longer and began the ceremony twenty to thirty minutes later than anticipated.  This is when the crying began.  This young lady, who was anxiously awaiting the arrival of her parents, began crying.  The crying came softly, at first, but began to increase in intensity as she slowly realized she would not be walking across the gym floor with her mother or father.  As generally happens in these situations, a school official stepped in and served as her surrogate parent for the event.  This gentleman placed his arm around her shoulders while she hid her face in her hands in an attempt to hide her tears and disappointment.

There is no doubt in my mind that there may be a very good reason, a very valid reason as to why this young lady’s parent or parents failed to show up for this event, but I doubt it.  This happens far too frequently in our schools and far too frequently to children from the lower end of the socio-economic spectrum.  Far too frequently the parents of these children fail to live up to the standard of being a parent.  There is an aspect of Confucianism called the “rectification of names” and it is applicable to this situation and others like it.  In short, Confucius argued that if people failed to meet the standards associated with a particular title, then society did not have to recognize them as such.  With this in mind, imagine how many parents would lose the title of “mom” and “dad” were we to adopt this way of thinking. 

I cannot remember how many parent nights I have witnessed at basketball games and other sporting events over the years, but I do remember that a similar situation to that described above played out each and every time the families came from poverty.  There was always that one student left alone, anxiously stealing glances at the entrance hoping that her/his parent(s) would walk through the door.  Inevitably that hope was crushed and they were faced with the bitter disappointment that comes from knowing the person who should have been there was, in fact, not coming.